THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
