john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
