im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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