oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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