The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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