I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
