You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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