I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
