Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
