i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
