I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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