Will you blow on my dice?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
so much tequila, so little girl.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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