Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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