apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize