dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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