Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
FUCK WHALES
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
