She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
