my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
