He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
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I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
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Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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