Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
