either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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