is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
