That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
