Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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