can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
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Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
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I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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