She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
