She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
