ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
We had to coat check the pizza.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
