I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
