In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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