please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
