why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize