Fuck appropriateness.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
