i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
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I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
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"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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