Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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