PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
