In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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