fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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