Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
