I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
