just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
