Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
