Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so Iβm going to see where this goes
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