life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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