took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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