I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
