I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i think i have two assholes
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
