i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
