I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
