I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
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I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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