if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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