Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm sobbing to NWA
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
