My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
