I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
