No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
