If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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