I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
