We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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