I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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