I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
