his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
