he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
