I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
