i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
