just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
