Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I think I sprained my soul last night
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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