So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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