were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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