saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
