Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
