I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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