Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
The beer is more important than you right now.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
