best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
