By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
