Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
