Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
