I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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