i permit you to call me
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
