Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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