i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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